This is big, Art, this is huge, and for a couple of reasons. You set yourself that goal and not only accomplished it, you beat it right flat into the ground. Things proved to be more challenging than you had imagined, but that did not affect your resolve.
I was shaken by the tragedy you referred to, and there was a ping for me too. But these days I know that I am 'supposed' to feel sadness and grief and anger at times, and this was one of those times. I don't need to pray for strength for me, I don't need to speak with an 'advisor', and I certainly don't need to drink.
You have shared some deeply personal things, a big step toward accepting you as you are, without judgement. There are some great things about you, Artemis, and I know you will come to appreciate them as we do. Onward!