How to cope with awfulizing and guilt?
I am really struggling with this separation because I am very lonely, but also because my AXBF (ugh I am writing this for the first time) did do a good job of talking me down when I worried about things (other than his drinking, obviously).
Right now I have this situation with my car and it's literally making me lose my mind.It's a simple export/import issue, which I didn't do correctly because the paperwork went to AXBF (forwarding address).
The paperwork went to AXBF and he never managed to send it to me until recently (I literally had to coerce him by sending $100 and saying "here is money, send it!"). Now I have to get this taken care of and for days, I have been in tears over this because I feel so bad for not having followed the rules. It's ridiculous. I have to add that I hate dealing with border/customs personnel because while some are very nice, others just seem to love giving you a hard time, especially if you are not a citizen (I am not a citizen of either Canada or the U.S.) and are outright mean and difficult.
I am agonizing over what to do. Follow the rules from here on out and hope for the best or call beforehand to figure it out (and possibly be scolded and be talked down to and start a hysteric crying fit). Or lie about it. While lying about it would work because they can't prove where the car was during this time, I don't want to lie to border officials. I could just go during Christmas week and hope for people's Christmas spirit...
But my point is, is this a co-dependent trait to be so guilt-riddled about not following the rules? I have not hurt anybody whatsoever with this, it's just a matter of getting it right and move on. And here I am in tears and shaking with anxiety and picturing all sorts of scenarios (car being seized, etc.). And I don't know how to snap out of it until I can actually go and take care of this (probably option A, make it right from here on out and try not to go into hysterics when questioned). I guess a pre-Christmas separation from my partner of six years and Christmas alone in a new city would melt any border official's heart, no?
I really think I need to go back on my anxiety medication. Worrier is my second name.