be patient with yourself....i was once in your shoes too...
i am glad you do feel worth it to MOVE OUT...that is huge...and you did it! congrats...
THINGS DONT CHANGE UNLESS THINGS CHANGE....meaning you can change things..boundaries is one(and sticking with them!)....only you can decide how to deal with your life...with or without him..
caring about him is good, its called compassion for him and his disease...
read the stickies...maybe Melody Beatties books...and perhaps a 12 step program...