I really don't know how to respond, SixYears. It seems very unfortunate that this is happening, and I agree, no one should feel so uncomfortable in their group that they cannot be honest about what's going on and die (sorry for your loss
) in the process.
Bring it up to the group. That's what I would do. It seems you might be worried about how YOU look by testing the waters here first to see what the response might be. Sure, it won't be easy, and you might not *look* superb (pride, ego) but it's the right thing to do.