Originally Posted by SixYearsSober

Please help. I belong to an AA group where there is a lot of long-term sobriety, and it seems to me (although I have difficulty distinguishing the true from the false) that these is more emphasis placed on "sounding good" than on telling the truth. I have many times sat next to people who, after sharing, whispered to me "Did I sound OK?" I was present at a meeting where we were discussing turning to AA in times of need, and a young woman was asked if she always turned to AA and her answer was basically "yes, and as a result, since my first year I've been more or less OK". Everyone in that room knew that she only has a few years of sobriety, and she quit coming to AA at all for over a year, and the only reason she came back was because she started dating (and, a year later, married) a member of the group and no one said anything. Recently, a woman of almost three years of sobriety made amends to the group because she had been smoking pot every day and no one seemed to care; everyone just gave her kudos on being honest. This woman had taken others through the work, and always went on and on about how great her program was. . . and she still does, post-amend. I don't care about the pot-smoking, but I do care that someone's sitting there saying that they're doing great because they're working the program and the program works when they're stoned . . . it's harmful to the new person and to anyone sitting in the room that isn't doing so well. I had wondered many times when this person was sharing what the hell was wrong with me that I had more sobriety but wasn't so happy and fulfilled all the time. On Thursday night, a member of the group was found dead of a heroin overdose. He had almost 20 years of sobriety, and NO ONE would have suspected him of drug use. I feel that if he had been able to tell someone what he was up to, he wouldn't have had to die. I want to bring this to the group's attention, but I'm not sure how. Specifically, can anyone think of a proposal to bring to group conscious that addresses the issue of honesty? Thank you!