dear mg, ur such agood woman, and a loving mom!! if ur son is calling you i'm sure he sees you as a loving presence in his life of #%#%!!. i hope you can find solace in the 12 steps and good people around you. i wish i could have you over for coffee and let you cry and yell and get out your fears. if you have a aa big book at hand i woould suggest to you that you read the step 1 story. i read it yesterday and thought about it for a long time. i realized that all my attempts to help my loved one ,my a and my kids were perhaps noble and self-sacrificing, but also a reflection of my loss of faith. try to stay busy and know that ur being prayed for annd thought of fondly. i can tell from all your posts that ur a strong, intelligent woman, with a heart of gold. i think you brought a son into the world that most likely is a true product of his genes and upbringing. have some faith and let him work on his problems, try not to cushion his fall, which is real hard for a mom.let his illness be taken over by his hp and let your heart be comforted by ur hp.
"just for today' big hugs from sugar