There are many times I get very sad and sometimes angry too. My son seems to have one foot in and one foot out of recovery. He seems to be trying but just won't surrender and do something positive about it. As we speak he is both feet out.
The thing is, that no matter how I feel, he is still going to be doing what he is doing. How I feel, has no ipact on his recovery.
So, I have to make sure to look after how I feel. I need to pray a lot and stay connected to my source of strength. I need to work my program, even when I don't feel like it, ESPECIALLY when I don't feel like it. Because it keeps me sane.
I need to stop isolating, and waiting for the phone calls, just hoping to hear that he is safe.
And I need to do other things in my life that have nothing to do with my son. I need to focus at my job, and I need to have fun and to not neglect the healthy friends and family who are so dear to me.
The disease of codependency will make us sick if we don't take action to change our lives. We hope and even expect that they will change their lives, but we must change too. We are not just spectators watching their disease...we have our own needs to attend to if we are to stay healthy, if we are to survive. And this takes effort and action on our part.
God bless us all and every mother of an addict.