MG,
You put him in God's hands, that should give you some comfort. Things are the way they are suppose to be today. You have given him all you are able to give him and then more than than that. He knows that. Maybe an A can come along and remind you of that.
I have felt the same grief you are feeling right now. Most of the time I manage to prevent myself from going there. I told you once that I canot allow myself into certain places because it hurts to much. Now , I mostly shake my head in wonder. I don't understand it and and I never will.
Now is the time to stay busy. Call it what ever you want (avoidance, faking it etc) but stay busy. It does take your mind away from where it is wanting to go.
And never forget you can do anything for 24 hours. Stay in today.
(((((Hugs)))))
JT