I have no answers.
I have been divorced two years early next month, and not living with my ex for four months longer than that.
I have a lot of fear about the feelings you describe, and that in part has kept me from actively pursuing any kind of relationship.
I am starting to learn that I am having waves of emotions now that there is space for them...they are more about me then about him. They are about how I have a hard time keeping my own space in relationships (with friends too), about realizing that I get impacted by others, that feelings are normal etc.
I am coming to learn that not being "done" with all this does not mean that I am not healthy....it just means that I have enough room to peel the next layer off and work on that.
I am aware that one of those layers is going to need a relationship in the sense for deeper learning.
What a great opportunity you are giving yourself. The time and space to have these feelings come up and work on them.....regardless of who the person on the other side is.