I also want to add that despite the gendered language, it applies to wives too. I see a lot of universal complaints here: that while making a demand for commitment, the addict resents the demands that commitment puts on them; that the addict remains emotionally unavailable; that the CoD gets addicted to the drama, or that the CoD won't leave without validation from the addict, which will never, ever happen. Especially this one:
She believes that somehow it will all work out alright, they’ll find a way to live happily together ever after, the kids won’t be affected.
Now that I've been a part of this community for a couple of years, the patterns are crystal clear.
This is also a fine opportunity to say how grateful I am for all of you and for having the courage to share here. You all saved my life.