I, too, am sorry about Evan. Real shame.
As for your husband, you are beating a dead horse, expecting him to be someone he is not.
Many of us here keep telling you the same thing, and, unfortunately you just won't let it go.
Since you desire to stay with him, then accept him for who he really is, take off your rose colored glasses and go about your business. You are attempting to create a life with him that does not and will never exsist.