Liz - I remember hearing this quote ...maybe it was after 9/11 or maybe it was after the OKC bombing that took out the daycare center but it struck me then and seems apropos now...
A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child.
That’s how awful the loss is.
- Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976
As for your AH and his lack of empathy.... lol, I am generally one of the voices around here that says be patient and understanding and ... Right now? F--- Him, take care of your son's grief and see what you can do to support Evan's family.
When there is a death, people often have no idea what to say "I'm so sorry about your son" seems so ...inadequate.
But I learned something the day I buried my father. There were a few hundred people who showed up, many had come long distances. Everyone who knew him knew that the bond between us was indescribably strong and over time many of those people came to me to say that they wanted to reach out that day but were afraid to because after a few people told me stories about what he meant to them I was having a hard time keeping it together.
...but I really remember each and every time someone came and hugged me and told me it would get better and told me how much my dad adored me and talked about me.
So... AH resents the sick boy getting all the sympathy? Tomorrow I may urge you to be understanding but right now, to hell with him. Evan's family and your son ARE grieving and who better than one of us codies to offer love and support and whatever assistance they need? Maybe a charity event in his memeory - I do 100 mile bike rallys all summer for things like MS, Diabetes, Cancer.... that's a doable one. There are lots of other things. Maybe work with your son and figure out a meaningful tribute to Evan that his family can appreciate for years to come. Nothing can replace Evan, raising a million bucks to stomp out Leukemia or support Ronald McDonald house or similar charities over the next ten or twenty years would perhaps help the family find solace and meaning in the inexplicable death of their son and would be a good thing for you and your son.
Prayers to you. Will try to give a sh1t about your AH tomorrow. AH is a-hole today, lol.