Thank you for all of the responses. I've been doing well until the past few days. I'm feeling down, not depressed, just overwhelmed with so much.
The thought I have yet to get past is this "My being an alcoholic, former abused child, etc makes me too broken to be loved" I hate that thought and try to ignore it. But it lingers. And my life somehow likes to prove it. Or maybe I manipulate my life to prove it.
I've been single for so long now. I have times where I miss being in a relationship so badly. So I go on dates, chit chat, blah blah blah and it always ends the same. Either I don't hold their interest or they don't hold mine. Sometimes I fear that they can see my demons too clearly, ha.
I'm feeling morose tonight. Overworked with final projects from school and an ex who makes me sad. So I ignore his texts and push forward.
I'll be okay, but tonight, I guess I'm following my therapists' advice and allowing myself to be sad.
But could there be a grain of truth to the idea the being a former drunk leaves us to broken for anything whole? And I do not mean that as an offense to anyone here, I'm mainly writing down the thoughts I'm having about myself.