we don't just magically "get better". We make ourselves, through our commitment to not live an unmanageable life anymore. To accept reality as it is and not fight it as if we have some power to change others.
Thank you for this.
I'm in the middle of a kerfuffle with the new man in my life -- we can both see that we're reacting not to the present but based on past experiences; he's going overboard (I think) trying to prove to me that I'm important to him; I'm second-guessing his choices in that regard as if he wasn't an adult capable of making them himself. But understanding it and getting your feelings to cooperate are difficult animals.
We were discussing Christmas, and I was disappointed he wouldn't be able to spend it with me and my kids. And I voiced that. By saying "I would really have liked to spend Christmas with you, but I understand that you prioritize your elderly parents at Christmas. I would, too." Which he interpreted as "You're not prioritizing me enough and therefore, I will make your life a living hell unless you change your plans." So without discussing it, he changed his plans so he could spend Christmas with my family. And now I'm fighting
feeling guilty because he's abandoning his elderly parents for Christmas.
You're right. We're as healthy as we allow ourselves to be.
it does get better, when we choose to make that happen. When we can decide for ourselves what is good for us, and not worry about anyone else.
And I'm also learning how important recovery is, again. Because the behaviors don't go away with the alcoholic. No matter how much we wish they would.