I'm so sorry for your situation. Being numb is not a way of dealing with things, rather it's not dealing with things. Being free of drugs or alcohol will likely allow you to cope with the situation in a healthy manner for you. Now that I'm clean, I'm having to deal with some personal loss that I buried due to my using. Better to face it head on with a clear head. You recognized the beast for what it is. You are stronger than you realize!