I had a real awakening too, realizing what a liar I had been and mostly to myself. It was as if I had been hiding from myself and then one day could see me. It sounds kind of trite when I try to express it.
When I would be drunk I would say I descended from "southern gentry" (lol!) and my husband was teasing me about it and I said, "no I'm not; I'm just full of sh*t". I had never said that and meant it , I mean NEVER, said it and felt it and knew it to be true!
That I was just such a liar, manipulator, and had been so successful at it that I was alone and adrift, and for the first time other than times when I was scared because I had done something stupid or scary to think of the next day, for the first time I really wanted to be honest and join the human race rather than keep everyone at bay with my bs while I drank to oblivion.
I don't know if that makes sense.
But thanks for posting that MissyS. It touched me deeply.