From my experience, a true alcoholic cannot try and control their drinking. After a couple months of my AH being sober and going to meetings, he got really pissed off at his sponsor and quit going to meetings as often. The whole thing was so fresh in my mind and I knew nothing about alcoholism. All I knew was how upset I was at the fact that we would never get to go to the wineries together, or enjoy a few beers on the back porch together, or anything like that. So we both agreed that maybe he would just drink a little here and there, and definitley not drink was he was mad about something. Well, that was a horrible idea and his alcoholism only got worse after that.
It is hard to tell someone what does and doesn't work, because so far every alternative has had negative outcomes. Its just a matter of which one is worse and which repercussions you would rather deal with!
Best of luck to you, I know how you feel.