Actually Learn2Live, I got that from my mother. There was a time about 3 years into the relationship where things were going (what I thought was) well. He had gone to rehab and moved into his own apartment and we were dating. He talked about moving back in and us getting married. Even me quitting work and going to school full time as opposed to part time. I thought we had turned a corner and things were better. HOPE. This was everything I wanted in LIFE. Everything I had hoped for. Then I got a call from his work about 2 weeks after this conversation and found out that not only had he been missing work, he had borrowed money from his boss to get his "teeth" fixed and he hadn't shown up for work that morning but that someone had broken in and stolen money. So needless to say all those dreams went out the window and I was crushed. My mom had to come and pick me up off the floor. So, as I was sobbing to her she said, " I know you're hurting, but where's your anger?" A light bulb went on for me and that was when I truly started to see codependant ways that had evolved as a coping mechanism for living with an alcoholic, and how very toxic they had become.