I think we all can empathize with what you're feeling - at least, all of us with children.
At the same time, I think you have to find a way to forgive yourself - to turn over a new page - to live in the present moment if you will.
Negative thoughts about things you've done, decisions you've made, will only feed your AV.
For example:
"I'm such a bad person there's nothing better for me. I deserve this life."
"I had a horrible childhood, it's really no wonder that I drink to forget."
I still have flashbacks of previous behaviour now and again but less often than earlier on in sobriety. The sting of shame and worthlessness that accompanies these thoughts is less sticky than it once was. I know that if I can bring myself into the present moment - the bad thoughts will dissolve.
It sounds to me like this may be a significant moment of awakening for you...this is a good thing...something to be thankful for...