ISOHumility

Working my program, but I'm new at it, and thought some of you old-timers might weigh in on what just happened.

My ADHD son has not been doing his homework during his 10-day suspension, so it's been piling up. This has concerned me greatly--now all his grades are in the 50s. He will start the alternative school soon, and will then start doing work there.

The fight started when--trying my best to work the program--I suggested that he talk to his sponsor about his homework, work out a solution, and then I would help him implement the solution. He has been asking to go to cyberschool, because he thinks he won't have paper homework.

The principal has told me that my son is intelligent, and cyberschool won't give him the quality of education he is capable of doing. His probation officer told me the same thing. I was more concerned that my son would feel socially isolated. So I'm not real keen on the cyberschool idea.

Anyway, to the fight. I have not been able to get a handle on my resentment. There have been no real consequences--just a 45-day supension (I have to babysit him) and a fine that I have to pay. No rehab, no IOP, no nothing. It feels like I've been the one who's been punished, but I'm working hard on letting that go. It is what it is.

Anyway, during the fight, he was so enraged he got honest about a lot of things.

1. He hates the program; only has stopped smoking weed so he doesn't get kicked out of the house.
2. He hates God. If he could, he would nail God to the cross himself. (His quote.)
3. This is the most important one: He feels overwhelmed by paper homework. He hates it, cannot even imagine doing the big stack that has accumulated during his suspension. I know kids with ADHD have problems like this, but this is the first time has has told me this directly and honestly, and only because he was roaring with rage.

We screamed for about 45 minutes at each other, then we both calmed down. He does know I love him. I told him that it was no surprise that he wanted to smoke weed--he was an addict, which is normal behavior--but that if he did, he would have to leave. I also told him that since he can't be on his own until he is 18 (he is 16 now) that he should try to make the best of the program and see what he learns. Told him I didn't care what he thought about God--that was his business.

Finally, I told him we would schedule a meeting with the school to talk about the possibilities--cyberschool or perhaps an IEP if he returned to his regular school. I said that we would get all the facts, and then decide.

I know this is a lot of "I said." Most of what he said was that if we went back to regular school he would be reminded of people places and things and he was afraid he'd use, and then get kicked out of school again (and out of our home).

I am positive I said and did the absolute wrong things, but I did the best I could. I now feel like a **** mother again. But I also know that there's no choice but to go on from here, and so we will.

I am absolutely drained. And going to an Al-Anon meeting tonight. My second one today.

Uh...it does get better, right? I am studying the damn books, got a sponsor, going to meetings, writing stuff down...I am doing my best but today was pretty damn stressful and I am not at all sure I did anything that was in those books.