YES...It does get better!
Just a short note for those who are struggling tonight
2 Years ago, I didnt think I was going to make it. There was times when the chaos was so heavy, I didnt care if I lived or died. I was lost, confussed, angry and almost crazy.
Ive done alot of the same things as you and have had the same questions as you. I struggled with the no contact and had the high hopes of my xah becoming sober and becoming this new man. Yes, I even thought we could or would fall back in love again. Yes, I learned what codependency, all sorts of abuse (including verbal) and of course Ive learned what alcoholism is all about
Its been 2 years.
My XAH has been sober for 10 months now
Lets just say, if I was really out there looking to date someone...HE WOULD NOT BE IT!!!!
Ive learned: He's bad behaviors when he was drunk/drinking are still the same as he is sober. (some call that a dry drunk)
He still needs to be told to shower, go to doctors appointments, and the everyday things in life...That a normal adult person would have enough common sense to do on a daily basis
He use to buy whiskey instead of buying me flowers or a birthday gift
Now, that hes sober...He still hasnt done that
I can now see his insecurities and his anger - Like, Ive never seen it before
We have nothing in common anymore. His way of thinking is very simple
and totally bores me to death. Hes never made his amends and I refuse to let anyone torture me anymore. Dont care if its him or anyone else in life.
Life is short and Ive been given another chance to love, love life and enjoy it. And Ive learned, I can finally do that, without a drunk or without a man.
I am excited to see what tomorrow brings me. Not everyday is good, but I dont cry or worry over that stupid stuff anymore. I work hard and have learned to play hard too! Giving back is very rewarding and very healing.
He still lives in the past. He still tries to manlipulate me...I use to fall for it, lose many nights of sleep over it..Now, Im in control of me! He tells me Im
strong headed...I reply, "NO, I just love me enough, not to take your crap"
He is ""NOT"" someone I would ever date..I would actually run from him, if I saw him in the grocery store!...
Cant believe I cried and carried on for so long. But I had to go thru my stage of learning, and most of all...
Learning to love myself enough, NOT, to let anyone treat me that way...
Cant believe I didnt see all of that 20 years ago! Ugh!!!!!
Today, if I want fresh flowers in my kitchen, I go buy the prettiest ones
that I can find
It takes time to heal.....And once you get there, you will be buying yourself
pretty little flowers too!
It does get better....Have patience and learn to love yourself....
I hope this sheds 1 ounce of hope to one person out there tonight...
Trust me, it does get better..but it all takes time to heal
YES...It does get better and you will LOVE it, once you get there!!!