Dear Stigmatized,
You feel this way because you HAVE been used. The alcoholic doesn't have much range in what s/he feels or does in addiction, and the major focus is on their needs. From what I understand of early sobriety, when the alcohol is gone, they are no longer anesthetized from what they didn't want to feel.
You are entitled to, you deserve to feel anything and everything because a whole lot has happened to you on this rollercoaster.
The thing of it is, you're not likely to get any comprehension from the A, maybe much later in their recovery.
It's very dismaying, it makes those of us who have stood by and tried to support our alcoholics feel lots of rage, abandonment, you name it.
What it also can do, and this is the point of Alanon, is set us free. Set us free to take back our own feelings, to cut the umbilical cord that our alcoholic required from us, and to live our own lives, our own way, for ourselves.
There is much more out there for you than the stress, dysfunction, and chaos of the last years. Hang around here, read the stickies, try Alanon, try Beatties book Co-Dependent No More, from the date you joined, you've been around here.
Come here if you want many someones to listen to you; we care. We've been there, and we'll be here for you. Far more than a barely sober alcoholic can be.
ShootingStar1