Yeah, I was totally surprised to see this thread resurrected today! Geez, it's showed me how far I HAVEN'T come, ugh!
Someone up the thread earlier mentioned JADE and I still find myself doing these things.
I justify my actions/previous actions from years ago since AH brings those up in counseling all the time.
I argue because I get sucked into his insane crap
I defend just as much as I justify because I always feel attacked. And, when I feel he's out to attack my character I get a little pissed off, LOL.
Explaining is something I do as a hobby, just ask my mom. I grew up having to give explanations for my actions and I guess it kind of falls into the habit of defending or justifying. I would explain why I bought a certain dish detergent to AH just because it wasn't our normal brand. I still haven't mastered techniques for handling his inquisitions over all the stupid stuff he likes to bring up.
And, in counseling the other day he told us that he doesn't want to hear all my stupid stories about who has cancer and how they're doing, what happened with my stepfather while on vacation, or what's going on with my tennis friend's game. He said I talk too much and he doesn't want to hear my sharing. He also tried to make me feel better by saying that ALL women talk too much, it's a statistic, don' t ya know? UGH, I have no idea how the marriage counselor sits there with a straight face.