Whenever my RAH projected or quacked( 20 times a day!) I used to get so frustrated, and spend hours mulling over everything he said. Thankfully now I have detached enough to let it go. I usually reply 'if you think so' or when he asks
My opinion on something I reply 'why ask? You don't need my opinion' and then walk away. In the past 6 months, I have learnt that when he is feeling low self esteem he tries to elevate himself by undercutting me; sadly he is an alcoholic and therefore has self esteem issues constantly. I no longer play the game with him, he no longer can blame me for his mood swings. I finally realized after 25 years that I am not responsible for his happiness, as he is not for mine- THIS was the first step for my changing codependent behaviour.
Liz - it feels that you are on the same journey. Stay strong, try not to listen to all the garbage- my trick is to view my RAH as a well worn piece of family furniture- present in the house,sometimes comfortable to have around, sometimes not. I suppose I have finally stopped believing in the fairy tale that becoming sober would give him that suit of armor and dashing white horse.
Best wishes to you