So I came back to check in and to admit I was wrong. This never happens (the me being wrong part I meant
)
When I first started on this board, I was adamant about 2 things: my job was far too important to walk off and get treatment for alcoholism and that AA was not for me. Wrong and wrong.
I ended having a relapse that should get some kind award for. It was spectacular in its destructiveness. I had to have people fly in to help me and my daughter. All I did morning, noon, and night was sit on my living room floor and drink while everyone else bore the brunt of my responsibilities at work and at home. I finally decided to check myself into a facility.
The facility had a good reputation, but it was a filthy hole. Never mind that part though. While I was there and attended an AA meeting. It brought me to tears to have everyone's words echo every sentiment I've had about drinking. Also, the true compassion and support from those who have to fight along side of you stunned me. It made me want to band together so that alcohol would never have the power to hurt us again.
When treatment was over, I called my boss and he said he would find a way for us to
PR our way out. As I was looking for flights back to TN (my new "home") from CA (my actual home), it hit me that that seeming glamorous and high paying job was going to cost me my life eventually. I would relapse again in again if I didn't stay in CA where I have a support system and where I can focus on recovering.
So now, I have accepted a simpler life. I had all the things. It won't save you. Support will. Commitment will. I can't explain how good it feels to be home where I can hug a person and not a bottle. Find support, people. It doesn't have to be AA, but someone needs to have your back to win this fight.
Sorry so long winded
