Go back to what made you ask him to leave in the first place. Is that status quo? How do you feel, shaky, uncertain?
It's complicated. He can stay sober for long periods of time, then goes back to quiet, secret drinking. He's not a violent or aggressive drunk, more like an absent, lazy drunk. Normies cannot believe that he has a drinking problem unless they saw him at his worst. That's one of the scariest things about it -- he has the hiding down to a T. He was secretly drinking daily for years before I realized it was happening.
That said, He's been sober for the better part of two years with 3 short relapses. I do know that sobriety is his ultimate goal and I believe that. The drinking is exasperating because he has every opportunity and every tool at his disposal and he has historically only used them intermittently, but I find the other behavior more trying to deal with at this time. He's pretty selfish and makes lots of excuses for other people and himself, he's very avoidant when it comes to conflict or the serious business of adulthood like the ins and outs of being financially responsible. We aren't intimate and I don't know why.
At the same time he is a great dad, probably better at the day-to-day parenting stuff than I am, to be honest. He helps out around the house more than a little. He does all the cooking and a significant portion of the cleaning.
He is not a bad person, he is an alcoholic. I hate the alcoholism, I love him. It's all one package. I'm ambivalent about it.
He took this new job, it pays a lot better but it's risky when it comes to a sobriety plan because of the travel and alone time on the road. Money was one of our biggest problems aside from/ thanks to drinking, but he reports he's actually seeking out meetings and calling his sponsor while he is on the road. I don't think this is a sham.
I don't know what to think. I keep thinking that the truth will reveal itself and that if I give it time he will either thrive or fumble.
Seeking wisdom and experience.