Well, my epiphany was this: When things go well in my life, I do not believe I deserve it and I just wait for it all to fall apart. However, I finally realized today, I do not wait for it to fall apart, I work to put a series of events in place to cause it to fall apart. It's almost like a release when it does. the whole "Sigh, finally, I knew this was coming and now it's over". But finally realizing I am the catalyst helps me also realize I can be the change. I can stop the destruction and instead focus my attention on just enjoying my blessings and not always waiting for that final shoe to drop.
Does that make sense?