We drunks (current or former) were at one time or another selfish. The key is recognizing that. I realize that I was quite an ass and comlpetely selfish. All that mattered was me, my time, my love affair with drinking.
So its a good sign that you caught on to that aspect of yourself. The sadness in your heart will pass with time. I have found that I can accelerate the healing of my mind and heart thorugh demonstrating that I do not have to drink nor want to and being there for the family.
RR / AVRT has a worksheet on how to record relapse activity and how to reflect on what led up to the point of relapse so that you can avoid it in the future.