Boy, I didn't realize how much I had relaxed and eased up on my worry when my AB got put in jail 6 weeks ago.
No one bailed him out, so outside of the phone calls and my own mental struggles its been quite a relief to have him not using and behind bars. I was still worried in my own way, but it seemed less daunting then usual.
But I just got word that the DA was likely going to offer time served plus probation. Unsure how long it will take until he walks out, but as soon as I found out my stomach dropped. I hadn't realized how relaxed I had felt with him tucked away.
Sigh.
I had really hoped it would take him a bit longer in jail, because at this point he is still at the "I am clean, I am fine, I don't need to talk to anyone for help" phase (this is his first time ever clean beyond 3 days after what is likely 3 yrs of pills and heroin). I wasn't expecting a miracle while he sat behind bars, but I was hopeful that as much as he was whining about the horrors of jail maybe he would do some soul searching. I also wanted a bit more time to get my own bearings. The last 2 months have been an eye opener but I have a lot of work to do for myself.
I have already created the boundary that no one in early recovery (he is not even in recovery in my opinion), will stay with me. So his next step will be begging all family members to take him in. I have tried to advise them all to educate themselves, attend nar anon meetings, etc (none have). I realize their decisions are theirs to make, but my codependency side is running in the background trying to save everyone as usual. I am doing better at keeping my trap shut, but this is definitely new for me.
Would it be good or bad of me to research places for him to live after he leaves jail? (like sober living homes, etc). I am not sure if he would even do any of them due to his refusal of help/meetings, but wondering how far my role should be in that. There is the aspect of them seeking out their own solutions, but behind bars, homeless and jobless, I know there is a limit to his access.
Fun times.
I am in the first chapter of Codep No More... I better read faster!