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Old 11-10-2012, 06:46 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
90210
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 22
JustBeYourself: Thanks for replying. I will check out your post shortly. 
Tjp613: Thank you for replying. I’m sorry to hear about your son I couldn’t imagine the pain you feel as a mother. I hope the best for your son.
Regarding the letter: to me it doesn’t make sense because he had no problem writing a well thought out I want you back letter. So, how come its not hard to express those feelings yet an apology is too hard except a simple sorry. If he is so incapable of expressing himself then he shouldn’t have written me a letter at all.
Ann: I couldn’t agree more that his focus should be on himself, I said that in my reply to him. But if he is so focused on himself than why write me a letter to begin with? I also wasn’t expecting an interchange, I didn’t want a reply from him at all. I just wanted to know he got the letter, bc it didn’t make sense to me that you can receive packages/letters in rehab. Also I think I wanted to know that what I had to say was heard. I have realized I don’t need an apology from him, I didn’t from the beginning I think getting a ‘sorry and best of luck’ was worse to me than nothing. I didn’t need a reply. I was fine leaving things with how they were, I was fine leaving things how they were before I received a letter. The fact that he wrote me an ‘I want you back letter’ but couldn’t write me a ‘I’m sorry letter’ isn’t a good enough excuse that he’s in recovery. If he couldn’t deal with saying I’m sorry I don’t think he should have written me at all. I don’t want an apology in the future because I want to stick to the no-contact that was in place prior to him trying to manipulate my sister into giving him a way to contact me. I am reading the book ‘codependent no more’ but am currently not attending meetings for a few reasons 1) My town is somewhat smaller so they occur at specific times my schedule lately between work and school has been insane 2) I don’t feel like I have benefited from them in the past. I have it in the back of my mind to go when I can, but I haven’t made it in a while. Thank you for your post. Seems like once I vent about it on this site I can move on a little bit better, it helps me.
SadHeart: I appreciate your response, although I found it a little bit harsh it was useful. Some things I’d like to address, I do see a therapist it just hasn’t been as often lately because of my work schedule. My ‘people picking’ is probably a bit off obviously, however I picked him when I was sixteen years old and I’m twenty-two. He very well could have been on the path to addiction then however, when you’re sixteen you don’t think ‘is this person honest’ ‘is this person someone I can trust’ also at sixteen your not wondering what the future holds between you and someone else and your definitely not analyzing them to possibly be a drug addict. When I was sixteen I was doing all the same drugs as him, I thought we both phased out of that before high school had even ended but he was just a pro at hiding the truth.
Evelivible: In my letter I didn’t put it in the context that he hurt me. In the letter to him, I actually blamed myself probably more than I blamed him. Because reality is, I didn’t walk away when I found out in September 2011 although he downplayed his addiction I still take ownership for being there to begin with. Since last night when I wrote this post, I’m not trying to figure out his actions because I finally believe that he is as self-centered and concerned with himself as everyone who knows him says. I guess its maybe a good thing to have because he can just be concerned with his recovery. I think its most bothersome right now because everyone is saying that he can’t give me a real apology because he needs to be concerned with himself, if that is so important, than like I’ve said to everyone else why write me to begin with and ask me to be part of your life. To me that is easier because he is just that selfish that he still wants what he wants but he doesn’t give a damn about anyone else. From what I’m hearing that is pretty common, but being an addict isn’t an excuse to me. People act like people like him, should be given a break because they’re an addict. I think that’s b.s. What am I going to do to make ME feel better? I’m keeping this no-contact thing in place, for the rest of my life and I’ll be damned if he ever gets two feet near me ever again. I have officially learned that he has hurt me enough and this is the end of it. If he some how comes back to me in some period of time and wants to get back together, I’ll be quick to respond no. In the past 24 hours I feel like I have had a revelation, I’ve been waiting for this feeling since we broke up. I think I am finally really getting over him, I think that I have realized that I deserve someone better. If I don’t find someone to be with I can still have everything that I want in this day and age. But I will not keep the contact between him and I going because now everything I could possibly have to say to him is toxic and not nice, and that’s not how I was raised. I am going to continue to read ‘Codependent No More’ and I am going to bounce back from this 110%. Thanks for your post.

This literally was the final nail in the proverbial coffin. I will not let someone continually hurt me. I'm just happy I never thought it would be a good idea to get back together like his letter had stated.
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