No Liz, Your trying "too hard" is not the problem. The problem is that you are l iving in the same type of toxic situation that caused your problems in the first place. A person cannot heal under the same forces that made them "sick" in the first place. You are beating a dead horse because you are afraid to face the changes that you will have to make.
It is almost universally accepted by everyone that marriage counseling with an active alcoholic is useless---and, often causes more harm.
Liz, you can face your fears and move forward or hang on and go down with a sinking ship. This is the harsh reality of living with a sick person who is also an active alcoholic who is spirling downward.
I am not saying this to be critical, but because I care about you.
sincerely, dandylion