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I read the following questions I should ask myself in step one and I am not sure I know the answers to them. I did not know about my husbands drug problem for months and I only found out because he got us in so much debt he had to tell me we didn't have money to pay bills that month. After finding out he started to find help on his own. He has had about 5 relapse since I found out in January 2012.
How have I tried to change others in my life?
What means have I used to get what I want and need?

I am not sure how I ever tried to change him in my life. And if I did what means I have tried to get my needs.

He is in recovery and working on what he needs to do to better himself. I know some things I say can stress him out and that doesn't help him. Is it okay to ask him if I have ever done these things to him? Would it be a negative discussion for him to ask him if I have tried to change him in any way?
I need help in understanding what I can talk to my husband about and what I should solve on my own in meetings.