I'm sorry you were feeling down earlier. I totally get that and also agree that things got easier when I dropped the expectations.
Forget the counselor. You don't owe her a single thing.
Something is going on.
My ex was not skilled enough to be sneaky (and he had no warning) but when it came down to it I really underestimated his willingness to throw me (and his kids by default) under the bus to both get as much as he could for himself and to make me pay. It was out of character and unexpected.
Your ah knows this marriage is on precarious footing, he is smart and capable, he is functioning with an addicts brain, he is preoccupied and unpredictable, and he is very self center and self focused. To trust that he will have your best interest in mind, or even be fair, might be underestimating him.