Hi nahade,
Thank you for sharing. I can relate in that I was with my XABF for three years. Every single time he came back (3-4 times), he would get sober, get a job, take school seriously, start being thoughtful and responsible again, etc. Each time, I really prayed it was the real deal and each time, I found myself where I am today--alone. Almost three weeks ago, I decided I was tired of that rollercoaster. I gave TOO many chances. A second chance time and time again becomes one too many.
I wish he could stay sober because he was an amazing man when he was. When he drank, he became a completely different person. When he drank, everything he worked for during sobriety crumbled quickly. While he was six months sober, he got a job, got straight As, went to school everyday, was thoughtful, cleaned, took care of himself, of me, his family. Two months relapse = abused my credit card almost $1000, lied, skipped school, and the list goes on and on.
I remember I kept asking people we knew: who is he? Is he the great guy or the guy who stole, lied, and did all these terrible things? And really, he's both, but he CAN decide which one to be. They really have to decide what kind of person they want to be and no amount of me hoping and praying and threatening to leave him will change that. When it comes down to it, my ex didn't care too much about losing me. He cared about losing the addiction, which is what he chose in the end, and why I had to pat my self on the back for my efforts and leave.