Nahade, so sorry...
I understand your feelings, the sober man had so many wonderful and worthy qualities.
As his disease progressed I saw less and less the the good guy. Over a period of five years I had to accept that only memories remained....... the man I truly treasured was gone, lost to this horrible disease. The shell of a man I was with, had become a complete stranger, and he was so angry and unrational, I could no longer be in the same room with him.
Sending you support.