I would also encourage you to notice there is no real enemy here, there is no reality to your desire, just concepts you're giving duality to, constructed in your mind, but they have no substance. Your perception is now creating anxiety and a "me vs. it" belief system which has you creeping around corners awaiting an attack by something that is not real. An attack by what?! An empty thought you've vilified?
You said it yourself, you're tired of running and marching away. You've set yourself up for failure now as you'll raise the white flag in this imagined war, tired of the anxiety from being on the run, and drink.
I would consider allowing those so called enemies to become your guest. You are the one who armed them, so go ahead, disarm them. Let them come into your mind so you can see who they truly are, absolutely nothing, just thoughts you've attached substance to.
Just something to think about.