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Old 11-06-2012, 06:03 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
dybehfar
Do You Believe
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 112
Hi Tammy,

Yes we have the second book you mentioned. It is quite easy to read but hard to master. I hear lots of things in my head and I can really hear the AV. Not so much about drinking directly, but depressive, or celebratoy thoughts that I know will lead me to drinking, but I recognize them for what they are. They are not me rather it is the AV. I have started looking at things quite differently lately. Its hard to say in a post. But today I was just amazed by how a large piece of machinery was working and wondered how all of the engineering had to fall in place just right too make this thing work. I know its not like I saw a light from the heavens or world peace but I would have simply taken it for granted before, if I noticed at all.

I work in a heavy drinking industry, and I am working on navigating those events. More so on my reputation as one that would routinely drink more than my fair share. So its responding to those people that are the challenge for me. For reasons that I cannot share; overt, subtle, or even suspiscion of any drinking problem (I just decided that I am done with the drinking phase of my life forever) would be damaging to my career. So for now I am simply telling people I am on medication for high blood pressure that does not allow me to drink. This part is still hard for me to grasp as far as how I go about transitioning in the minds of others that I simply don't drink anymore...ever. It is is a culture problem in my job / industry.

I know there have been others in this boat with the inabality to speak of, or fall under the suspicion of a drinking problem which forces us to have to hide it, sweep it under the rug and simply suffer along in silence. I would venture a guess many have gone into dangerous situations with this issue. That is why I like RR among other reasons. I just decided I am done. No problems or disease, no admission of an issue (except to my family). No having to report any past issues. I am just done with drinking forever.

I am fortunate not to have lost my job, house, family or finances. I am fortunate not to have physically harmed anyone crashed a car or had run-ins with the law. But I can tell you that was right around the corner. I can feel it, I can sense it.

I may still schedule a confidential personal call(s) with JT, which I saw you can do on RR. That would just be to reinforce what I have read and understood. It doesn't cost that much either.

Sorry for rambling on. I hope this makes sense. I just hope the AV quiets down over time (it can be quite distracting). What a beast it is indeed.
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