I need to vent a little, I hope you all don't mind.
Well, this is my second post here. My first over 8 months ago was "I think my brother is an addict". Oh the adventures we have had and the things I have learned in those 8 months.
So yes, I did confirm my brother is an addict. I was in denial, I knew it, blah blah blah.
I have since found out that things have been going badly for about 3 yrs, starting with RX pain pills. I am not sure when he switched to heroin, probably sometime after he had sold EVERY item he owned (he was a high end carpenter with a trailer full of tools at one point).
Now, my brother sits in jail. He was arrested on two felony heroin distribution charges. I had a cop call me back in August looking for him on a warrant, I guess that explained why he was avoiding me for awhile.
There is a ton of relief knowing he is sitting in jail right now (3 wks). Not hearing from him for weeks on end while he was on the street, knowing he was essentially homeless and crashing in odd places, knowing he was stealing and doing crazy things to fund his habit.....amazing how jail seems great.
I am unfortunately the main contact for him with the family.
Me, with gigantic co-dependency issues that I am trying to reign in at all times. BAH.
Financially, once I found out he was addicted I stopped all assistance, but emotionally it has been a constant battle. It took me two weeks to finally tell him I was NOT going to bond him out no matter what bond was (its pretty high right now so he figured he just needed to get it lowered so I could get him out).
Since then, he has spent every second trying to convince me how jail is horrible, he will never use again, he would never fail drug probation and end up in jail again, etc etc. How he needs to get out and work so he can pay for a lawyer because public defenders suck and he is going to get screwed and spend years in prison, so on and so forth.
Thing is, this appears to be his ONLY clean time in three years, and that is just because he is sitting in jail. You mention therapy and he snaps at you and says his mind is fine, you talk about treatment programs and he calls them a waste (there is one in the jail he is in and some state sponsored stuff I have discussed with him before jail). He has some health issues which is why he was on pain pills....so no clue how he is going to figure out how to deal with those with no meds. He is 33, no health insurance, and none of us have the funds to put him in a private rehab, especially if he doesn't even want to go.
I feel like a horrible sister sitting here doing nothing. Not trying to scrape together 10 grand to hire a lawyer, not trying to find 6 grand to bail him out....argh! I almost feel like I am trying to control the situation by doing nothing for him! Like "Look, I have power over you by keeping you in jail". I am wondering if that is the enabling mind trying to step in? ARGH!
I keep repeating to myself that he is a grown adult, that we have tried to help him get on his feet many many times. That we paid for his methadone treatment when he was willing to at least do that (which I think turned into one day methadone, one day heroin sort of pattern). We offered to get him out of state to another family member in the country who had work (before we knew about legal issues). I even know of recovering friends that asked him to go to classes with them and he turned them down. We kept thinking he had hit his low, but he always seemed to push past it and find a new one.
So now he is in jail. I don't see that bonding him out will do him ANY good at this point. He has no money, no place to live, and none of the family members feel safe taking him in right now.
I personally am seeing an addiction specialist for the last two months. I have learned a ton about our family, our own addiction genetics, and of course my major co-dependency problems. On top of that, my husband and I have been trying to start a family for 3 years, are now in fertility treatments with stress being a HUGE factor in my problems. At 37, I cannot put off trying to get pregnant long. So I keep having to make myself a priority, which just feels wrong.
After reading a bunch of posts here, I think I am going to try going to some NA meetings to help as well.
Thanks for letting me vent!
