Thank you all for your input and kindness. It feels good not to feel alone with the worry and to feel that my situation is understood. Thank you all very much for taking the time to reply. I have spent quite a while thinking this over and it is clear to me that I am going to have to stop drinking - one day at a time as they say. I am sure I will use this forum as I do so.
I hope to speak to some of you again over the next while on this forum.