My mother is a minister, manipulator, and controls via privvy info also. Honestly though, I've come to this point in my life where I realize she has X capacity to understand herself, hence limited understanding of others.
My point being, your parents may have emotional issues and a lack of mature growth in some areas--but YOU don't have to own that. It has nothing to do with you.
Your self-worth is not determined by childhood baggage or experiences. Leave that behind you now...you're a grown up adult individual, as your own person in your own right, you own their feelings no more than someone not related to them would.
Our parents are what they are--is it not true that every generation surpasses the last and outdistances them? Isn't that what nature intended?
You can love your parents with their limitations. They love you in their limited understanding of how to love.
think of it as a new form of detachment? Detach yourself from their baggage. You don't own it--that makes you free of it. You can lovingly watch them spew garbage out of their mouths, knowing all the while you don't own it, they do.
If it helps, everytime you see them imagine yourself as a successful daughter that moved far away a long tiime ago, carved out her own life, and revisits the family no longer immeshed as a part of the madness.