Florence, why do you think your parents never loved you?
That stuck out to me. You might want to take a look at that, and why you feel that way, in order to facilitate your own growth.
Sigh. This is one I'm working out in therapy. My folks singled me out from my siblings in really gross and obvious ways several times over the years. I don't want to go too deeply into it, but my Mom in particular is nasty and passive-aggressive. She lacks boundaries and likes to keep secrets and control information, and claims to be a peacekeeper while isolating members of the family and simultaneously stirring up sh**. They have their own weird codependency cycle going -- Dad is a major depressive, never treated, and Mom is a textbook controlling/martyr codependent and she probably has some other emotional and personality things going on. Despite me feeling particularly singled out, my sisters and I all report feeling like collateral damage in their marriage. My parents are still married, HOW I have no idea.
Unfortunately I rely on them for a lot of support, mostly for babysitting, especially now that I'm operating solo again. But that also means navigating a lot of choppy emotional waters and knowing that every favor has a string attached. It has taken a lot for me to be able to deal with them without getting into the mud. I'm so beaten down emotionally by this latest turn of events with AH that my mom's guilt trips are sinking in. Maybe it's her I need to go no contact with.
"Enmeshed" is probably a good word for it. This has been an ongoing issue in my adult life and I've been trying to get away from this situation, but the reality of divorce and the possibility of needing to lean on yet more unreliable people is a real setback. I isolated myself as AH's disease progressed and don't have much of an outside support structure at the moment.
one of Toby Rice Drews "Getting Them Sober" series covers this very topic. I think its volume 4.
I just got this! Apparently it arrived at the right time.