Florence, why do you think your parents never loved you?
That stuck out to me. You might want to take a look at that, and why you feel that way, in order to facilitate your own growth.
Sometimes when I am feeling down I think a bunch of blanket statements. I can't say you are doing that, only you can say if you are or not.
I think though, for your own growth, you need to work that out in your head before you can move along to what needs attention next.
I agree with you and other posters on things about the alcoholic relationship, but that jumped out on the page.