Hi Graceland,
I would definitely agree with hydrogirl and dandylion. Try not to take the A's comments personally. He is ill. Yes, you are affected but this does not make you any less of a person.
A lot of ppl in the Al-Anon meetings express gratitude for recovery. Myself included. I am not thrilled about the way alcoholism has impacted my life, however, I am thrilled that recovery exists. I can heal and become a healthy person. What a relief.
It gets better. My sponsor tells me every single time we hang up.."go gently and know that you are loved.." I share this same message with you Graceland...
Go gently (stop beating up on yourself and feeling sick...embrace recovery) and know that you are loved (by every member in Al-Anon across the globe and the 90,000+ of us here on SR).
Love,
Lily