Just my experience
Liz, first of all I read all of your posts and have found them to be helpful to my situation. I have been married to my AH for 27 years. Like you he is an excellent provider, big house nice car swimming pool etc. With all of this he thinks I have it made. Not!!! He thought all was well since we would have sex at least once a week felt I needed to do this even though he was drunk every time and it would make me ill the smell and the shame I felt afterward. I felt I had no other choice til I just could not do it anymore. Asked him to leave in Nov. 11. He stopped drinking for the winter but was a dry drunk. Finally in May he consented to go to marriage counseling when he saw I meant what I said. Because it was summer and he wanted to be able to drink with friends at the lake where we spend the summer. He asked the counselor if would be OK for him to drink but not around me. I was willing to give it a shot. He would not drink around me but would be drunk by the time I got to our camper. After this happened 3 times. I brought it up during counseling. What he said is not important but the counselor asked me if I was willing to live with this. All of the feelings dealing with his drinking came flooding back and I had the courage to finally look him in the eyes and say if you cannot quit drinking I will not be there. The counselor asked him to give it some thought and to let me know. He came back a few days later with .I cannot quit on your terms it must be on myown which I totally get Thanks to this website. That was 3 months ago. We have had contact only when necessary and it has been so peaceful. He also wants to work things out without lawyers so we are now applying for mortgages separately to pay off the house I live in and him to mortgage the house he inherited from his parents.