Step 4: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
I'm not sure how this applies to your current counseling session.
Liz, your husband continues to hold you hostage, now he is revisiting the sex.
It's dirty pool, manipulation, it's totally disrespectful and he continually positions himself to make you the bad guy. No one is entitled to your intimacy, it is earned.
How you could ever attempt step 4 after this counseling meeting and the chaos that continues , if it were me, in this situation , I would feel it impossible.
The stacked resentments between the two of you is heartbreaking.
You matter, you are important, you do not deserve this intense malicious disrespect.
Its not just the drinking, it's the willingness to open up to some kind of program for healing, he has made it clear that , that is not in the cards, so it's the same ole same ole.