First Day Sober... Having trouble letting the guilt of relapse go
Hi everyone,
I've never posted in a forum before...In the last year I have experienced major loss, trauma, and violence. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, and have been on short term disability from my job. I am only 25 and work in the makeup industry...Experiencing all of this has made me so isolated that in the last year I've launched head first into drinking almost every day and smoking weed every day. I get into fights, blackout, or do things I regret when drinking. Smoking has only made it worse.
I have woke up almost every morning in the past 2-3 months fully intending to stop using, only to relapse that evening. It's causing me so much guilt and pain that I begin to feel hopless. How do I forgive myself enough to believe I can stay sober? I've been so ashamed/depressed and I am terrified to go to a meeting.
Any and all tips help.
<3
J