Hi Everyone--more experience / strength / hope from all of you -- you're right, it's time, which is what my gut is telling me too. So I am moving the process forward. I do truly feel that I have done everything I can for her. All of the groundwork is done, I just need to keep marching forward, file the final divorce papers, deal with the house, and it will really be over.
Something quite incredible happened to me in the middle of this downward spiral. While I was out of town in early 2011, my dog escaped from dog-sitter AW and was lost in our urban/suburban community for 26 days. I looked everywhere for him, put together search parties, spread flyers, kept a blog, got on the 10:00 news a bunch of times. I was this nice guy looking for a lost dog -- and then the dog was found, DEAD. I wondered why the heck this would happen to me. But one thing I never felt, is that I could have done anything more to look for him. I did everything, and therefore I have no regrets. That is kind of what this feels like. The ending might not be what I would want, but I don't feel like there is anything more I could have done.
Like my tagline says, Lord Have Mercy . . . I am grateful for my SR "supporters", it's funny how we don't know each other hardly at all, but thanks to our common experience of dealing with A's, you understand me better than almost any of my normie friends and family. Thank you all for your insightful advice and posts.