Originally Posted by
ISOHumility 
But I need to keep the focus on me. I am not doing what I should be doing, which is hitting Al-Anon meetings. The depression is making it harder.
My sponsor, who loves Al-Anon, has kept her distance as I struggle with this, which is right. While I have some resentment about it, the issue is me. I have prayed to God to help me get to Al-Anon, but I guess ego, control issues, pride, depression, grief are getting in my way. I would like to be willing to go, and pray to be willing.
Several things have come to mind, including suggestions on what I have quoted from your post.
I have had more experience with depression than I ever thought was possible. It can be absolutely crippling. I completely agree with seeing a med doctor qualified to determine/prescribe appropriate antidepressants. Personally I started off seeing a psychiatrist every month to closely monitor medication/s and the effects and benefits, after I was first prescribed by my primary care provider.
It was important for me to find a psychiatrist who took a personal interest in my case, was determined to find the right med/s, and made it clear that medication alone wasn't the only answer, but was an important part of a larger picture, which I already knew.
On the subject of sponsors, I have outgrown many along the way. I also found out the hard way not to put them on a pedestal, and take everything they say/do as gospel. They have feet of clay like everyone else.
I think there are times for a sponsor to step back, and there are times the sponsee needs more intensive help. However, that sponsee has to ask for it, and I don't know about you, but I am still terrible in asking for that help!
Any time I have had major surgery and know I will be going through emotional and physical challenges post-op, I let program people know, including sponsors, that I need the help in getting to meetings during this difficult period.
I have asked for extra help during very difficult times, like the period of time where things were going down the drain with my youngest daughter, then 15, her eventual running away, and subsequently being put into the system for 16 months, far away from me.
Do not be afraid to use a call list. Tell the person you are completely overwhelmed and need to get to meetings. Ask if they can pick you up for the next meeting.
Shave things down to 5 minutes at a time if need be. I have used this technique
many times to cope with overwhelming circumstances.
I do understand where you are at, minus the spouse in the home.
I'd be very glad to PM you my phone number if you wish. I only work part-time due to my disabilities, and am home all day for a few days while giving an epidural time to work.
I want to help if you will accept it!
Sending you hugs of support!
