Dear CentralOhioDad, don't place anger on yourself for reacting. To react is normal (assuming appropriateness). It is really not a "normal" marriage to go around detaching all the time just in order not to trigger explosions.
In "normal" marriages, comments are made;comments are heard;negotiations are initiated; resolutions are reached;laughter is heard;there is love and growth;etc...........
I believe that it is enormously exhausting to be constantly on guard to detach, detach, detach.....
You are human, after all.
dandylion