I got better when I got into Alanon and cut contact with the alcoholic XH. I got better when I started to change the things I could- me. I gave XAH to his higher power. I got better when I got present in the now and not the future or past. I got better when I saw it how it was- he was a drunk. I admitted it and accepted it. I wasn't the one who was putting the relationship second. I live in the solution not the problem. I wasn't a victim. I was a volunteer- until I wasn't anymore. I heard on SR the Zen quote- "let go or be dragged....."